My wife can't find her hair clips, but she remembers what I said 6 months ago at 5:30PM.
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What's four feet wide, sits at the side of the road and waits for a cunt to come along?
A cycle path.
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I was telling my wife I met an old girlfriend earlier who reckoned I was the best shag in town.
"Best shag in town? You're not even the best shag in this house", she laughed looking at the dog.
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Theresa May - the kind of negotiator to come out of DFS with a full priced sofa.
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Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
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Joke's on you, I got my degree in Gender Studies while there were still only two of them.
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I gently got into bed beside her, kissed her neck and whispered, "That number you gave me at the pub tonight doesn't exist."
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The Chinese coined the phrase "'It's not you, it's me" while looking at their family albums.