My nickname at school was Scarface.
I was fucking brilliant at knitting.
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Lads, make your wife or girlfriend know how you feel walking around shops with her by making her sit through you trying to pick a video on Pornhub...
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I saw a bloke with one arm and one leg was about to be hanged.
I started shouting out letters.
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My great nephew has been diagnosed with ADHD.
Or "being a little cunt", as we called it in the 70s.
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Taylor Swift has 500 songs about blokes leaving her and 0 songs about blowjobs.
See where I'm going with this?
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I can hear the lesbian couple next door to me having sex every night.
It's not easy, but if I turn the TV off and unplug the fridge, I can just about hear them.
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When a woman says "we need to talk", why is it never about football?
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Beggars, when sitting outside Lidl, please remember to give the people going in a few coppers.