I convinced my wife to work for the CIA.
So she wouldn't be allowed to tell me about her day.
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"The new Royal baby weighs 3.7kg."
"What's that in pounds?"
"About 3 million pounds per year for the taxpayer."
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Before the national debt spirals completely out of control, can someone please teach Kate Middleton how to give a blowjob.
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Remember when everyone had diaries got pissed off when someone read them?
Now they put everything on Facebook and get pissed off when they don't.
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Most of the men and women at the gym are working towards the same goal:
The perfect female body.
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Just added my wife to the sex offenders register.
Every time I ask for sex, she gets offended.
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English is weird.
It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
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The mechanic at my local garage died yesterday.
His service has been booked in for next week.
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My wife accused me of being a transvestite.
So I packed her things and left.