How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be silly, feminists can't change anything.
----------------------------------------
When you are dead, you don't know you are dead. It's pain only for others.
It's the same thing when you are stupid.
----------------------------------------
Martin Scorsese's film "The Wolf of Wall Street" broke a record by using the word "Fuck" or "Fucking" 506 times.
That actually beats a record set by my dad in 2003, trying to put an IKEA chair together.
----------------------------------------
Why are Southampton nicknamed The Saints ?
Because all their players have gone to a better place
----------------------------------------
This nerd in Sheffield set a world record by solving a Rubik's cube in 43 seconds using only one hand.
Then he went home and celebrated, again using only one hand.
----------------------------------------
There's a new magazine for gay military members.
It's mainly just photos of privates.
----------------------------------------
I had to take my 10-year-old daughter to a Justin Bieber concert.
The wife wouldn't go, and I didn't want to go on my own yet again.
----------------------------------------
People used to see me driving a large car and they would say, "You're compensating for your tiny penis."
And now I drive with clothes on.