Don't bother with those Ancestry DNA kits just announce that you've won the lottery, you'll soon find out who you're fucking related to.
------------------------------------------
"In other news, a local 27 year old woman has gone missing.
Unfortunately, we only have her online dating photo, so we have no idea what she actually looks like...."
------------------------------------------
The lady who was interviewing me for a job said, "I've got three openings."
"Obviously," I replied, "you're a woman."
------------------------------------------
As soon as Greta discovers cock, she’ll stop complaining about the single use plastic it’s wrapped in.
------------------------------------------
If Cinderella's shoe fitted so perfectly, why did it fall off in the first place?
------------------------------------------
My grandfather hid five Jewish girls from the Germans in his cellar during the 2nd World War.
He didn't want to share them with his fellow officers.