My mates call me gay because I can't stay on a skateboard for longer than a minute.
I'd like to see them try it with high heels on.
----------------------------------
I was reading through the ingredients for a fruit salad I'm making today and it said:
"Pineapples, five cubed."
I'm not sure though, 125 will probably be too many.
----------------------------------
I don't take orders from anyone.
Which is most probably why my restaurant went bust.
----------------------------------
When I broke up with my girlfriend she started crying and said I was a self-centred bastard.
You should've seen the look on my face.
----------------------------------
Dolly Parton in BBC Radio 2 interview:
'My father couldn't read or write. But he was a very intelligent man, he could have been anything.'
Well, except a writer.