Fucking funny!

A blonde just texted me saying, "What does idk stand for?"

I texted back saying, "I don't know" and she replied, "OMG, no-one does!"

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I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don't know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc'd my new girlfriend who wanted proof.

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My wife admitted to me recently that when she first met me, she didn't really like me very much.

Luckily for me, she really wanted to stay in this country.

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I caught my son watching my porn films the other day.

I really regret making them now.

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It really annoys me when my wife uses my toothbrush.

I wish she would just use that vibrator I got her for Christmas.

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I used to be really scared near beautiful women.

Then one finally confessed they felt the same about me.

Blah, blah, blah