My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list.
Now I can't read anything.
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Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well!
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I decided to sell my vacuum.
It was only collecting dust.
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I went to visit my wife in hospital and took her flowers.
My girlfriend will love them.
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Kids today don't know how well off they are.
I was orphaned at a young age and raised by a pack of hyenas.
No toys, no posh house, facing starvation scouring for food, but boy, did we have some laughs.
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Modern maths question:
An advertising company needs 10 people for an advert. 100 people turn up, 8 are black or asian and 92 are white. How many white people get the job?
Answer is 2. To play the gay couple.