Sexual Calorie Counter

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent....................... 12 Calories
Without her consent................. 187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands......................... 8 Calories
With one hand.......................... 12 Calories
With your teeth........................ 85 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection........................... 6 Calories
Without an erection.................... 315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris................. 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot............... 92 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary............................... 12 Calories
69 lying down........................... 78 Calories
69 standing up........................ 112 Calories
Wheelbarrow........................... 216 Calories
Doggy Style............................ 326 Calories
Italian chandelier...................... 912 Calories

ORGASMIC:
Real................................... 112 Calories
False.................................. 315 Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging.......................................... 18 Calories
Getting up immediately....................................... 36 Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately...... 816 Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years old.......................... 36 Calories
30-39 years............................... 80 Calories
40-49 years............................. 124 Calories
50-59 years............................. 972 Calories
60-69 years............................ 2916 Calories
70 and over............................ Results are still pending

DRESSING UP AFTERWARDS:
Calmly................................................. 32 Calories
In a hurry............................................. 98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door...... 1218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door....... 3521 Calories