Congratulations to Tu Youyou on winning the Nobel Prize in Medicine and for being the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday to.
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I got fired on my first day as a bingo caller, I think some members complained of my inappropriate bingo lingo...
In particular...
"If there's hair on the muff, then fair enough, 15."
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I saw a four-year-old girl sat on her own today. No signs of anyone near.
"Are you okay?" I asked her. "Do you know where your Mummy or Daddy are?"
"No," she sobbed.
We know how to have a laugh at the orphanage.
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Two Syrian refugees are walking through England when one turns to the other and says, "I don't get it, Yasir."
To which the other replied, "What don't you get, Adnan?"
"Six months we've been travelling, and we've only just reached Poland."
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What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
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My wife and I haven't had sex for a long time. She's put on a bit of weight and is a bit self-conscious.
She had a few drinks and said to me, "How about it?"
"Wow!" I said.
Away we went. I grunted, grinded and gave it my all. My head was spinning. I was hot and sticky.
Finally, I was on top of her.