When I was younger I decided to go to medical school. At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters P N E I S and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are on Facebook.
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A major hurricane is about to hit India, so if anyone needs to call their bank or cable/internet company, do it soon.
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Jack Wilshere says, "If you live in England for 5 years that doesn't make you English."
Which is going to upset a lot of 5 year olds.
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I always greet every stranger I meet with a "Happy Birthday!"
I get an awful lot of blank stares...
But it's worth it for the occasional "How the fuck did you know?".
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My boss told me off today because I'm always turning things into a joke.
"So have I made myself clear?", he said.
"No, I can still see you", I replied.
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At Halloween, I plan to stick three dicks in my mouth and go as my fucking ex.
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What do you call en evil Muslim?
Mu Ha Ha Ha Med.