I often read a joke and think, "What a jerk. That's not funny."
Then I press 'Submit'.
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I've had a Vasectomy. Which, by the way, doesn't work.
It just changes the colour of your kids.
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Terrible night. Dreamt something bit me on the neck.
Got up to check, but the mirror wasn't working.
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This is a message to the teacher who said that I'd never amount to anything.
That was just a lucky guess, bitch.
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I don't like to brag about my wealth, but yesterday I had the heating on.
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"Ladies and gents."
That concludes our tour of the toilets.
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Accidentally drunk a bottle of invisible ink.
I'm now in hospital waiting to be seen.
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My mate hung himself in a modern art gallery.
It was 3 weeks before anyone noticed.