When I see lovers' names carved into a tree I don't think it's cute, I just think it's strange how many people take knives on a date.
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What do you get if you inject antifreeze into oranges?
Sacked from Asda.
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My Geordie girlfriend found a pair of knickers in the glove box of the car.
"What the fuck are these?" she asked.
"Knickers," I replied.
"Oh. I've heard about them, but I've never seen a pair."
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It was the wife's birthday today, but the present I bought her only made her sad.
It was a hula hoop.
And it fits.
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My Grandad was a Vietnam vet.
He says it was easy as most of the animals were already dead.
First and especially last are brilliant.
Can't take credit, but thank you
