A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
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I can't think of anything worse, after a night of drinking, than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they are dead.
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I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?
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I don't know what's happening in this country. You've got school children dressing like whores and whores dressing like school children. It's a nightmare - you don't know whether to carry sweets or money.
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Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me, give me the drugs" She turns to her boyfriend and says "You did this to me you fucker" He replies casually "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse but you said fuck off it'll be too painful"