The missus was watching a cookery programme the other day.
I said, "What you watching that for? You can't cook."
She said, "You watch porn."
Bitch.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
You look like I need another drink...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Girls are like universities. I spend hours looking at them to realise I can't get into any of them.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
As a child I learnt a lot of things from Disney films.
For instance, going around kissing women in a coma is acceptable.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do you reckon they called the 'Saw' films saw so that people would say:
"Did you see Saw?"
"Yeah, I saw Saw."
"Did you see Saw 2?"
"I saw Saw 2, too."
"Did you see Saw 3?"
"No, but I saw Saw 4."
"What did you see Saw 4 before you saw Saw 3 for?"