Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church...
Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
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I got so drunk last night, I don't know if I found some keys or lost a car.
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My boss has blocked all pornography sites from the work computers.
So now I have to wank over the picture of his wife and kids on his desk.
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"One mans trash is another mans treasure," I told my son.
He just stared at me blankly.
"What I'm trying to say is: you're adopted."