The Swiss must've been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
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David Moyes has promised fans of Manchester United that they will be in a major European competition next year... even if he has to write the song himself.
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At a job interview: "What are your strengths?"
"I'm an optimist and a positive thinker."
"Can you give me an example?"
"Yes, when do I start?"
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Apparently if your girlfriend or wife ever says "if anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new...."
"Anything" doesn't include getting stuck in traffic.
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Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children.
Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
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I went to a vegetarian restaurant last night and when I'd finished the waiter asked, "How was your meal, sir?"
"It was very nice," I replied. "My compliments to the gardener."
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A man with a stutter is visiting the doctor.
"How's the stutter?" asks the doctor.
"It's g-getting better. My mate calls me D-Donkey," replies the man.
"Any idea why?" the doctor asks.
"No, but he aw he aw he aw he always calls me that."
Nu m-am prins de ultima...
daca o citesti cu voce tare, o sa vezi ca "he aw" repetat suna a raget de magar
Donkeys make a connected two-pitch sound that people generally describe as "hee-haw" with the "hee" more high pitched and the "haw" being lower pitched.