Being offended is the new AIDS. It started with the blacks and the gay people. Now everybody is getting in on it.
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I love going gay clubbing!
My only problem is wiping the blood off my baseball bat afterwards.
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Whilst in America, my son and I went shopping in Wal-mart. I asked the cashier if they had any Kinder eggs.
"Oh no, sir, we don't sell them in the States - they are a health hazard!"
"Okay," I replied. "I'll just take these two assault rifles then."
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What do Muslims like to drive?
House prices down.
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I went on to the African 'Trip Advisor'.
Britain gets some good reviews.
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The best thing about lending someone your time machine is that you get it back straight away.