Jokes "R" Us

Scientists in China have successfully cloned two macaque monkeys.

"It's quite impossible to tell them apart", said one of the monkeys.


Two cavemen are talking, one says, "I'm going to teach my woman to speak."

The other one says, "What harm can it do."


A lollipop lady cleaned the snow off my windscreen this morning.

Although, I think the impact helped her a bit.


I text my wife this afternoon "Darling, I had a bad accident at work this morning and fell from great height, Sarah kindly rushed me to the hospital, the doctors have examined me and tested me, they have xrayed the damage in my legs and say I may never walk again, and will possibly stay in a wheelchair for the rest of my life."

She text back "Who's Sarah?"


Apparently laptops can damage your sperm.

In my experience, not as much as sperm can damage your laptop.


It's funny how my missus sits up all night, waiting for me to come back from the pub.

Just to ask me what time it is.

Blah, blah, blah