I wanted to be a boxer until I fought a guy who really wanted to be a boxer.
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Congratulations to India, the only country in the world with a moonlanding program and no proper sewage system.
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My girlfriend accused me of cheating on her.
I thought to myself: "she's beginning to sound just like my wife".
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Three weeks ago I sent my hearing aids in for repair.
I've heard nothing since.
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Weirdly, my doctor has encouraged me to masturbate more often.
Well, he actually told me I could have a stroke any time...
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"What's your name?" asked a policeman when he stopped me.
"Wayne", I said.
"And your last name?", he continued.
"It's always been Wayne", I said.
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Serena has a Semi today.
She’s hoping it goes down before her match starts.
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Congratulations to Simona Halep for winning the Mixed Singles Final.