How do you find a vegan at a dinner party?

Don't worry, they'll let you know.


I took a girl back to my house for sex last night.

After going upstairs, I slowly removed my clothes and climbed under the quilt.

"You'll have to be really quiet," I whispered, "My mum & dad are asleep."

"I can see that," she said, "Have you not got your own bed?"


I've been dating this girl but she can only speak a few words in English.

On the plus side, Geordie girls are complete sluts.


As we slipped into harbour, I told my pirate crew, "We're going to kill all the men and rape all the women!"

I added, "Fucking get it right this time."

Blah, blah, blah