My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose.
Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.
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If you lose one sense your other senses are enhanced.
This is why people with no sense of humour have a heightened sense of self-importance.
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The police phoned me to tell me my wife was in hospital.
"How is she?" I asked.
"Very critical," replied the officer.
"What's she fucking complaining about now?" I said.
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A vegan said to me, "People who sell meat are disgusting!"
I said, "People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer."
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Bloody millennials, walking round like they rent the place.
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As a child: 'You are grounded.'
As an adult: 'Your package will be delivered between 8 AM and 6 PM.'
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Be careful on the roads peeps. People have been drinking and then letting their wife drive.
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Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
So people don't confuse them with feminists.