Every major supermarket in Britain now has a Polish section.
It's usually called a Staff Room.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
My girlfriend says she enjoys sex more whilst on holiday.
Well I can tell you, that was an awkward postcard to receive.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I gave my first ever blow job to my boyfriend today. Afterwards I had a pint of Fosters.
Well, I had to do something to get that horrible taste out of my mouth.
So I gave him another blow job.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
My son asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his iPod except for one song.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I asked my wife, "What's your opinion on the state of English football?"
"It's shit," she replied. "Absolute crap."
"More than likely," I said, "but let's hear it anyway."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I had one too many Foster's last night.
One.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I was in the queue at Starbucks this morning. The man getting served in front of me, asked for a mocha. "Sorry sir, but we're out of mochas". The guy was fuming "I have a mocha every morning when I come in here!", he raged, "I'll just have to have a latte!". He went and sat down.
I went to the counter and said "I'll have a large latte too, please". They asked me for my name. I asked why they needed it and they told me that they'd write it on my cup and shout it when it was ready.
So I told them my name was Mocha.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
North Korea is back online after internet outage.
Sources say South Korea changed the Wi-Fi password.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I was entering a singles bar last night when a bouncer started patting me down.
He said, "Have you got anything on you that you shouldn't have?"
"Yes," I replied, "My wedding ring ."