Funny funnies

If I ever win the lottery, rest assured nobody around me will be poor.

I will move to a rich neighbourhood.

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Only when I went to see "12 Years a Slave" did I understand what exploiting another human being is.

I paid 5.65 quid for large popcorn.

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How did the Scouser get into Uni?

Crowbar.

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According to the BBC, 7% of all relationships are inter-racial.

As compared to TV commercials, where the figure is about 99.8%.

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I walked into a clairvoyant's today.

She said, "The brothel's next door."

She's good.

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I caught my son trying to stick metal in a plug socket.

So I grounded him.

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I was on the toilet at Asda when I heard a Woman's voice coming through a hole in the wall.

She said "if you pop £10 through the hole, I'll suck you off".

I thought yeah, I'm having some of that, and shoved a tenner through then my erect cock.

Unfortunately, the wall was 3 inches thick.

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Contrary to popular myth, there is not a rise in racism.

Just a rise in people being called racist.

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A horse walks into a bar, the barman says "you're in here pretty often, I'm beginning to think you may be an alcoholic". The horse replies "I don't think I am" and vanishes from all existence.

You see, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of 'I think, therefore I am', but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would just be putting Descartes before the horse.