Interviewer: What would you consider to be your greatest weakness?
Applicant: Hmm... probably having sex with my boss's wife.
Interviewer: Excuse me?
Applicant: Nah, I'm only kidding. Definitely making jokes at inappropriate times.
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I was reading in the Daily Mail about how Britain will be flooded with Romanian immigrants next year, who are notorious for benefit scrounging and anti-social behaviour.
Who says immigrants don't integrate well?
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Bad idea to scratch both my armpits at the same time during that football match in Brixton.
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I'm only a few inches away from having a gigantic cock.
I thought to myself as I stood naked in the prison showers.
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We have a very old saying in England.
Salem alaikum allahu Akbar.
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What have a Scottish £10 note and a Pakistani got in common?
Once they get into England you can never get rid of them.
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I went into a pub and said to the guy serving, 'How much is a pint of lager?'
He replied, 'Five hundred and sixty-eight millilitres.'
Sarcastic barsteward.
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I got home at 3 AM steaming drunk and half a kebab down my shirt. My wife had a fit.
I thought "I'll sort her out in the morning. I'm not gonna let her epilepsy ruin my night".