Funnier than thou

Interviewer: What would you consider to be your greatest weakness?

Applicant: Hmm... probably having sex with my boss's wife.

Interviewer: Excuse me?

Applicant: Nah, I'm only kidding. Definitely making jokes at inappropriate times.


I was reading in the Daily Mail about how Britain will be flooded with Romanian immigrants next year, who are notorious for benefit scrounging and anti-social behaviour.

Who says immigrants don't integrate well?


Bad idea to scratch both my armpits at the same time during that football match in Brixton.


I'm only a few inches away from having a gigantic cock.

I thought to myself as I stood naked in the prison showers.


We have a very old saying in England.

Salem alaikum allahu Akbar.


What have a Scottish £10 note and a Pakistani got in common?

Once they get into England you can never get rid of them.


I went into a pub and said to the guy serving, 'How much is a pint of lager?'

He replied, 'Five hundred and sixty-eight millilitres.'

Sarcastic barsteward.


I got home at 3 AM steaming drunk and half a kebab down my shirt. My wife had a fit.

I thought "I'll sort her out in the morning. I'm not gonna let her epilepsy ruin my night".

Blah, blah, blah