Fifty Sheds Of Grey

Bonkbuster queen E. L. James's S&M novel "Fifty Shades Of Grey" has seduced women - and baffled fellas.

Now a spoof, "Fifty Sheds Of Grey", offers a treat for the men. The pocket-sized book has fictional author Colin Grey recounting his love encounters at the bottom of the garden. It’s full of horticulture-themed gags and graphic images - of sheds.

Here are some extracts...

"I'm a very naughty girl", she said, biting her lip. "I need to be punished". So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

"Harder!" she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. "Harder!" "Okay", I said. "What's the gross national product of Nicaragua?"

"Are you sure you can take the pain?" she demanded, brandishing stilettos. "I think so", I gulped. "Here we go, then", she said, and showed me the receipt.

"Hurt me!" she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench. "Very well", I replied. "You've got fat ankles and no dress sense."

"Punish me!" she cried. "Make me suffer like only a real man can!" "Very well", I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

My body writhed and quivered from the pain. I had learned my next lesson. Never again would I leave an upturned plug on the shed floor.

"Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously", she said, gently massaging my back as we listened to her Coldplay CD.

Blah, blah, blah