Best email away messages

You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I were in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient, your email will be deleted in the order it was received.

The email server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty f this is that when you return you can see how many people did this over and over again.)

Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

Blah, blah, blah