A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache".
"Perfect", her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my penis with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it’s up to you!"
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A vicar books into a hotel & says to the clerk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled".
She replies, "No, it's just regular porn, you sick bastard!"