11 Apr 2015 | KterinK

Smile, what’s the use of crying?

To feminists who claim that internet pornography is going to ruin the sex lives of our next generation:

I didn't give up playing football just because Lionel Messi was better than me.

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Working-class voters are criticising David Cameron for eating a hot dog with a knife and fork.

Wealthy voters are criticising him for using a hamburger fork.

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A cash machine has just charged me two pound for a transaction but told me to cover my PIN to prevent from being robbed.

Pretty ironic if you ask me.

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Quick travel tip for anyone planning an overseas trip this Easter: make sure your pilot's a Scouser - you'll never catch one of those bastards tearing up a sick note and going in to work.

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Naming a porn website "Brazzers" is really considerate because the name can be typed entirely with the left-hand.

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Pornography only gets called by its full name when it's in trouble.

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In a survival situation, you can drink your own urine.

Fortunately, my Wi-Fi came back on just as I was filling the can.

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How many people does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one of the questions I should have asked before buying a lighthouse.