Not that funny

What has 148 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk?

My zipper.

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Do you have a band aid?

I scraped my knee falling for you.

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I got thrown out of a children's fancy dress party because all I was wearing was a red T-shirt.

Some people have obviously never heard of Winnie the Pooh.

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I always make sure I'm behind a hot girl at airport security.

So when she's putting her shoes and belt on I can imagine I've just shagged her.

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I heard FIFA 13 is so realistic that if you win a trophy with Liverpool, the screen goes black and white.

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I was really embarrassed when I found my mums porn collection.

I was in a sex shop at the time.