Mornin’ Fun

Kids nowadays don't realise how lucky they are when it comes to porn. They can switch on the computer and have vast amounts in seconds.

When I was a kid I used to have a wank when I typed the digits 5318008 into a calculator.

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I was clubbing the other night and I was totally pissed. I walked up to this beautiful blonde and said, "Duck my sick!"

She said, "You're pissed - don't you mean suck my dick?"

I puked on her and said... "No!"

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I've invented a new sex position. The Tolkien. She bends over and I take over 9 hours to destroy her ring.

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I saw an iMac in my workplace today,

so I grabbed a marker pen, and scribbled 'unt' next to the logo.

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My bank told me I have payments on my account which are outstanding.

That was nice of them.