Mai radem si noi

I convinced my wife to work for the CIA.

So she wouldn't be allowed to tell me about her day.

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"The new Royal baby weighs 3.7kg."

"What's that in pounds?"

"About 3 million pounds per year for the taxpayer."

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Before the national debt spirals completely out of control, can someone please teach Kate Middleton how to give a blowjob.

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Remember when everyone had diaries got pissed off when someone read them?

Now they put everything on Facebook and get pissed off when they don't.

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Most of the men and women at the gym are working towards the same goal:

The perfect female body.

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Just added my wife to the sex offenders register.

Every time I ask for sex, she gets offended.

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English is weird.

It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

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The mechanic at my local garage died yesterday.

His service has been booked in for next week.

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My wife accused me of being a transvestite.

So I packed her things and left.