KterinK la maximum

Like most people my age,

I'm 29.

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So Poland gave the United Kingdom 4 points in the Eurovision Song Contest...

I thought countries couldn't vote for themselves?

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2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia.
2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian horse racing.
2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of people around the globe.

Has any one else noticed this? ...

It gets worse next year... 2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?

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My son came home from school looking all excited.
"I got an B on my reading test," he told me.
"That's a fucking D," I replied.

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The General Rule of People you meet on the internet:
- Single
- Attractive
- Mentally Stable
(Pick 2)

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Thought for the day:

Who picks up guide dogs' crap?

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When I'm naked in a Changing room, I like to speak in an American accent.

I'm trying to make people think that American people have small penises.

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So embarrassing yesterday - I walked out of our local sex shop and my mum was walking past!

I'm gutted - I wanted her vibrator to be a surprise.

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My wife said she wanted more variety in our sex life.
Now I tell a few jokes, fuck her then sing a song.