Hohote

A friend came over one day, visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his third cousin.

I told him, "If it upsets you that much, quit counting them."

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I think pregnancy testing kits are brilliant.

I wish more of the important questions in the world could be answered just by pissing on them.

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I was squashed up next to a stunning Asian girl on the tube and I could feel myself getting hard. We were that tight together she couldn't help but notice it.

"Your cock is very hard, isn't it?" She said to me,

"Yes, I'm very sorry, " I told her,

"Don't be," she replied, "mine is as well."

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I see the Romanians have had a good Olympics so far. They have taken Gold, Silver and Bronze already...

Plus copper, lead, tin and anything else that they can get their hands on.

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Olympic figure skating. A competition held to determine whose childhood was ruined the most.

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My wife's happiest memory is the day she had twins.

I'd have to agree, but definitely not the same twins she's thinking about.