Funny Quotes

Oscar Wilde
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

Jean Kerr
Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself - like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.

Dave Edison
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Steve Martin
There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that.

Winston Churchill
History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.

Marion Barry, Mayor
If it weren't for the killings, Washington would have one of the lowest crime rates in the country.

Robin Williams
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

David Letterman
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.

Rita Mae Brown
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.

Groucho Marx
If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

Will Rogers
The trouble with political jokes is that very often they get elected.