13 Dec 2014 | KterinK

Funny holidays

Every major supermarket in Britain now has a Polish section.

It's usually called a Staff Room.

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My girlfriend says she enjoys sex more whilst on holiday.

Well I can tell you, that was an awkward postcard to receive.

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I gave my first ever blow job to my boyfriend today. Afterwards I had a pint of Fosters.

Well, I had to do something to get that horrible taste out of my mouth.

So I gave him another blow job.

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My son asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his iPod except for one song.

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I asked my wife, "What's your opinion on the state of English football?"

"It's shit," she replied. "Absolute crap."

"More than likely," I said, "but let's hear it anyway."

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I had one too many Foster's last night.

One.

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I was in the queue at Starbucks this morning. The man getting served in front of me, asked for a mocha. "Sorry sir, but we're out of mochas". The guy was fuming "I have a mocha every morning when I come in here!", he raged, "I'll just have to have a latte!". He went and sat down.

I went to the counter and said "I'll have a large latte too, please". They asked me for my name. I asked why they needed it and they told me that they'd write it on my cup and shout it when it was ready.

So I told them my name was Mocha.

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North Korea is back online after internet outage.

Sources say South Korea changed the Wi-Fi password.

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I was entering a singles bar last night when a bouncer started patting me down.

He said, "Have you got anything on you that you shouldn't have?"

"Yes," I replied, "My wedding ring ."