Funnay!

I don't know what women keep bragging about being able to multi-task for.

What's so great about doing three things wrong at the same time?

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I was trying to watch TV last night, but my kid kept asking for a glass of water.
After the seventh glass, I lost my temper and shouted at him, "Go to sleep, I'm watching the fucking telly."
"But dad," he shouted, "my room's still on fire."

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Last christmas I got some toy soldiers,
To play with when I'm in bed,
But I got bored with my seargents and majors,
So I played with my privates instead.

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My girlfriend told me yesterday, "You only ever hear what you want to hear!"

"Thank you," I replied. "I have been working out."

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A very common male fantasy is to have two women at the same time.

One to cook, one to clean.

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My wife told me to make love like in the movies.

So I stuck it in her arse and came on her face. She got mad with me.

I guess we don't watch the same movies!