Fun-tastic

A wife is like a hand grenade.

Remove the ring and your house is gone.

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I went to see a therapist.

I said "I'm not sure if I'm a man or a woman."

He said "Right. Just pull your pants down for me."

I said "No."

He said "You're a woman."

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Apparently kicking a pregnant woman's stomach is only cute if it's from the inside.

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We used to have 4 different remote controls.

Then we got a Universal Remote.

Now we have 5 different remote controls.

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My daughter just asked me what 'FAP' meant.

I need to stop commenting on her Facebook photos.