Fifty Sheds Of Grey

Bonkbuster queen E. L. James's S&M novel "Fifty Shades Of Grey" has seduced women - and baffled fellas.

Now a spoof, "Fifty Sheds Of Grey", offers a treat for the men. The pocket-sized book has fictional author Colin Grey recounting his love encounters at the bottom of the garden. It’s full of horticulture-themed gags and graphic images - of sheds.

Here are some extracts...

"I'm a very naughty girl", she said, biting her lip. "I need to be punished". So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

"Harder!" she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. "Harder!" "Okay", I said. "What's the gross national product of Nicaragua?"

"Are you sure you can take the pain?" she demanded, brandishing stilettos. "I think so", I gulped. "Here we go, then", she said, and showed me the receipt.

"Hurt me!" she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench. "Very well", I replied. "You've got fat ankles and no dress sense."

"Punish me!" she cried. "Make me suffer like only a real man can!" "Very well", I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

My body writhed and quivered from the pain. I had learned my next lesson. Never again would I leave an upturned plug on the shed floor.

"Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously", she said, gently massaging my back as we listened to her Coldplay CD.