Crack a smile

Summer is officially coming to an end and you know what that means...

All you half naked ladies are going to have to find a personality.

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I've been up half the night with my sick son.

We've been watching beheading videos on the internet.

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My Grandpa used to say, "Don't follow other people's path, create yours to be followed."

During WWII, he got killed in a minefield.

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I heard that my postman has had sex with every woman on my street apart from one.

When I told the missus this, she said. "I bet it's that snobby cow at number 22".

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"Okay son here's another riddle, what has four legs but isn't alive?"

"A chair! Nice try da-"

"It's your dog. Spot's dead, Billy."

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'Benjamin Button.'

'BENJAMIN WHO?'

'Benjamin.'

'WHO'S THERE?'

'Knock knock!'